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Friday, 28 May 2010

The Difference a Few Days Can Make.

I had a wonderful break in Ettrick in the Scottish Borders. I didn't take Megs in the end as I hardly felt able to look after myself, and it was the right decision. A few days with no responsibilities and no people or animals that needed my attention was just what I needed. I had a lovely, lazy time and took Henry, the Burnese Mountain Dog for some wonderful walks and runs over the hills.

Henry and I scaled the highest hills and it was as though I got back in touch with my senses again. I suddenly realised on the third day that I know who I am again now. Not half of a couple anymore but just myself and I'm doing OK in the circumstances. I found myself totally at ease with my friend and free to be me.

I was very, very low when I went away and had a panic attack which nearly stopped me from going at all just before I left but I've had no more intense highs and lows since then and I feel much more mellow than I have since David died. I still miss him and get lonely but it feels manageable now and survivable. The intensity has gone and I can breathe through it.

It's wonderful to be home and with my friends and animals again. The problems have receded into proportion at last and everything feels manageable. I can do this and I will find a special person of my own again one day, I'm sure of it, but I need to be my own person first and find out what I'm capable of.

My friend is a saint for putting up with me and I can never thank him enough for all his kindness and care.

Optimism has returned at last and it feels great!!!!

4 comments:

  1. Sometimes a break and a change of perspective make all the difference - glad your spirits are up again.

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  2. Glad you are feeling better. But dont forget to go to that counselling - it sometimes slips one mind when one has a day not feeling down! Cheers

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  3. Sometimes the fresh air can clear away the cobwebs. Keep working on your passage back, though. I agree with the other post that counseling might well be a help, even when you are feeling better like this.

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  4. Thank you very much everyone.

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I am a clicker training addict and there is no cure - thank goodness!!!