Taking Stock.

I sheared my alpacas today for the first time and they were very well behaved, especially Crystal, my pregnant female, and the lovely Sam who quite likes a hug on the quiet.

It got me thinking. I'm not good at being positive about myself as I've always been my own hardest critic but I started to think about the things I've done since David died and I'm not doing too badly.

My sheep are all shorn and so are my alpacas. My horses have all had strangles now but they have never looked in better condition. My three cows look great inspite of 2 of them being ancient and the farm and house have never looked better.

I make new friends everywhere I go and haven't lost an old one yet. The bereavement councillor told me that my smile is infectious and that I looked in brilliant health. I have never had more energy or drive and I have never had so many close friends.

I still get panicky about things and I still find it hard to hope for the best sometimes as I know that the worst can and does happen, to me as well as to everyone else.

I'm hoping to go and stay with my friend in Scotland for a few days to escape all the responsibility and clear my head. My escape last year was to take Grace out for a ride and not being able to that because of the strangles has been very hard, on top of seeing them all so ill and feeling responsible for it. A few days away with someone who understands about surviving loneliness and having sole responsibility will be good for us both, I hope.

I'm also hoping he might let me have a go at shearing one of his Llamas, to add to my CV, but that might be too much to ask!

I will take some photos of my alpacas tomorrow. They look really cute shorn, especially Crystal.