I have finally found the way forward that I've been searching for. I love the atmosphere at my farm, with everyone so kind and supportive of each other. It's everything I ever dreamed of and more. I even have a waiting list to come here now.
But I want to do something really worthwhile and special now - to use my animals and the farm to bring happiness and change people's lives in the way that horses have always changed my life for the better.
A good friend told me about Amanda Saville and the Chariots of Fire display team. He didn't know the full scope of what she is achieving there.
I would like to set up a centre for Equine Assisted Learning and Development here. I think my ponies would be brilliant for it and most of the other animals could play a part too. I could also teach clicker training as tool for training more effective and compassionate management skills.
I would also like to have a camp fire that people can chill out in front of on summer evenings "drinking beer and talking rubbish" as the husband of one of my liveries said longingly.
This is something that would give meaning to the rest of my life - something positive and really worthwhile out of all the tragedy. I have already discovered just how much the happiness on people's faces means to me when they start to make profound changes to the relationship they have with their horses using the enhanced communication that clicker training can provide.
Knowing that I can make a difference would mean everything to me.
I have contacted Amanda Saville and asked to learn more, plus asked for her help for my sponsored ride between Ettrick and Moffat next May.
It's Macmillan Cancer Support's centennial year next year and they want it to be really special. My King Arthur themed sponsored ride really excited them.
The Border Festival of the Horse have their 10th anniversary festival in May next year and they are now talking not only of supporting my ride as part of the festival but perhaps giving the whole festival a King Arthur theme.
They put me in touch with Peter Neilson who used to conduct guided King Arthur rides around the Eilden Hills where King Arthur and his knights are said to stand buried under the hills, still mounted on their horses and in full armour waiting for the call to ride again. He is a sweet, kind and lovely man and has helped me to feel better already. This is his website:
People who know me well will know what a huge leap of faith it is for me to include his website here but I all I really know is that he is a thoroughly good person.
So lots of plans and positive things to work for. That's what life is all about really, isn't it?
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