I went to my first ever Pilates class yesterday and loved the way it left me feeling - totally chilled out and serene. I thought my breathing had been having a lot to do with the panicky way I feel inside quite often and Pilates seemed to confirm that. Today I have felt like my old self again all day, which is definately a record!!!!
This evening I went out for a meal with an old friend I haven't seen for years. We had a great time and did plenty of heart to heart talking. She said that she had seen David and I as two halves of the same whole. She said that surely it would have been easier for me to just give up but it wouldn't have been. I have never been a quitter.
She told me that I am very driven. I agreed but said that I don't know what I'm driven to do anymore. Thinking about it I do know - driven to survive and find ways to be happy again, and I'm already there in many ways. It's just finding reasons that I need. David was my reason for everything. Now I need to find my own reasons.
I showed her a little bit of clicker training and she told me that her sister has been doing Parelli for donkeys years and can't do anything like Bella and Jack can. That made me smile.
Here are some photos from my last stay in Ettrick. It's a beautiful place but so remote and bleak. I love short visits there but I couldn't live there. I like my counrtyside more gentle and friendly. The photos do have one gentle, friendly aspect to them though - my companion on my walks - the lovely Henry!
Thursday, 17 June 2010
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